Come Full Circle

“When the soul is no longer starving, you can feel the world.” – J.L. Wyman

I recently traveled back home to Long Island for my nephew’s high school graduation with my family.  Visits home are always nourishment for the soul.  But better yet, on this particular trip, I also walked with the alumni during the graduation precession.

Come full circle.

Yes, that was me.  A girl who left Long Island 20 years ago because of the pain and suffering she experienced.  I moved as far away as I could, burned every bridge imaginable, and swore to myself that I was starting a brand new life.

Fast forward 20 years…well, and we all know how that turned out. My soul was still starving. I had lived a life full of band aids, instead of healing and restoration.   As you know, I’ve spent the past few years transforming myself.  Finding my path.  Listening to my truths.  Sometimes, when you are in the cruxed of the transformation, progress can be difficult to witness. You are able to embrace and feel the victories when you accomplish and overcome a challenge along the way.  But I still struggle with acknowledging how far I’ve come on a day-to-day basis.

Then…this past journey back home happened.  My sister signed me up to walk as an alumni representing the Class of 1993. And I walked…on the football field, with fellow alumni from as early as 1938, all the way up to 2015.  It was emotional, exhilarating, and img_0961extremely humbling…

I had come full circle.  My children witnessed this event and cheered me on.  The girl who had left this place so many many years ago had truly made peace with her past.  I did not know it until that moment when I stepped foot onto the field.  Turns out, this spunky, stubborn girl who thought she knew everything, had been blessed with challenges, and quite frankly, moment after moment of falling flat on her face.  And thank goodness!  Thank goodness for those failures and devastations.

My soul was no longer starving.  All of the “soul work” worked.  The running, the reading, the tears, the triumphs, the hiking, the cycling, the breakdowns, the swimming, the heartaches, the reconnections, the journeys in between…they are working.  All of those experiences transformed and reprogrammed the pathways in my brain.  All of those experiences fed my soul so I could finally see the world.

Come full circle and see the world.img_1065

You have to heal from the inside out.  The work on one’s soul is brutal, before it remains at peace. My journey is far from over, but I can sense more than just seeing the light.  I feel the light within my soul.  The light shines brighter than the shadows of darkness now.

Appreciation for my hometown, my childhood, and the ability to share this with my children filled my soul with joy, peace, and rest.  We spent the remainder of the weekend at the ocean.  Laughter, love, and happiness…my children were in heaven there.  img_1038img_1040

The decision to become healthy…mind, body and soul, was the best decision I have ever made.  I witnessed the reflection of that health in my children, as their giggles, astonishment, awe and wonder encompassed our day at the ocean.  My youngest actually sobbed when it was time to go…I could not tear her away from jumping in the waves!

 

At peace, you can see the world.  Observing the waves rise and crash and rise again.  Listening to songs of seagulls soaring high above.  Burying your feet in the warm, delicate sand.

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Come full circle.  See the world.  Live a life without fear. Nourish your soul.  And most importantly…make peace with your past.  Healing is a beautiful being. 

Rising like the waves,

J

 

 

 

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